Re:Zero ~Starting Life in Another World~ Re:Watch – Episode 18

**Re:Watcher**

If you’re here… well, you’ve been through something. And I’m not just referring to the previous episodes of this show. Every single person in this world has been fighting a personal battle of some kind since the moment they arrived here. I won’t presume to know what any of yours have been like, but I imagine they haven’t been easy. If recent years have shown us anything, it’s that there are some struggles that are truly universal. Which is, of course, why isekai is so big. Who *hasn’t* had a point in their lives in which they wished to be somewhere else, to be some*one* else? To be… special? There are hundreds, if not thousands, of stories that begin like that; millions, if not billions, of people who enjoy them. And while most people enjoy it vicariously, the genre’s inherent escapism may lead some to treat it as wish fulfillment.

Subaru is one of those people. He’s enjoyed the stories. He knows all of their tropes. Clearly, he was sent to this world because the universe knew that he was destined for greatness and that all he needed was for someone to start him on a new path, one completely unaffected by his past. No one in this world knows who he used to be, only who he is now and what he chooses to show about himself. There’s nothing stopping him from becoming a person everyone relies on.

Except, of course, there is. Because the premise of that shift was flawed from the get-go. No matter where he ends up or who he meets, there is nothing that can truly divorce him from his past because he himself is what resulted from it. And the events that have occurred up to this point have shattered him and torn away at him until he can’t pretend like he has changed any longer. He’s still just as powerless and incompetent as he’s ever been, and he hates himself for it. It would be one thing if it were just the road ahead of him that was difficult and fraught with danger, but what is really causing everyone he loves to die is that he’s the one trying to walk on it. They would have been better off with anyone other than him. All he can really do now is hold out his hand to the only one who is within reach and give up for good.

Depression sucks. It really does. I’ve struggled with it in the past, and every so often it’ll rear its ugly head and return with a vengeance. When it gets really bad, it feels like trying to escape a black hole: something that seems impossible and leaves me feeling completely drained. When Subaru laments that giving up is the hardest thing he has ever done, I think about how much it can frustrate me to have to go through all that, only for other people to be unaware of what I’m going through. Beyond the event horizon, a black hole is just a black hole. You can’t see what happens inside of it. Return by Death is truly the densest black hole of them all, one that prevents any and all information from escaping it, so it’s easy to see the parallels that it has with depression. Subaru wanting to give up… let’s just say that I can relate.

But Rem knows better. Giving up doesn’t suit anyone. Rem gave up on herself all those years ago, but now she’s living a life that is happier than anything she could’ve imagined after Subaru helped her forgive herself. Giving up isn’t easy, but it *can* be easy to see it as the only option; if you aren’t able to value yourself as a person, giving up could just feel like the only thing that you both are capable of and deserve. Depression loves to latch onto any excuse to pull yourself deeper into it, and self-loathing is a big one. But whereas Subaru can only see the worst parts of himself, Rem can see just how much good there is in him. She’s been able to notice all of the things he does that indicate genuine kindness, no matter how miniscule they’ve been. And while he may be concerned with the bigger picture, it is the smaller details that make up the picture of who he is that caused her to fall in love with him.

Rem rejects the notion that Subaru’s past has no worth and that there’s nothing worth seeing in what he has become. Because Subaru’s past was what enabled him to know exactly what to say to Rem to save her from her own self-doubt and unfreeze her time. It is thanks to his past that she now has a future, one that she wishes will be spent by his side. The insert song that closes out this episode, Wishing, is my favorite in the show because both the music and the lyrics perfectly express how it feels to simply enjoy being alive with the people you love. There is more to life than suffering. Subaru taught her that, and now she’ll teach it back to him as many times as it takes. Subaru is her hero not because he never falters but because he always has the courage to ask for someone to help him back up. To restart from zero.

And her affirmation is immediately confirmed to be true as the greatest hero, Natsuki Subaru, is reborn in front of her. He acknowledges who he is and what he wants. This time, he reaches his hand out to her not in defeat but in triumph. Someone else may have started him on this path, but it is *Natsuki Subaru* who has decided to blaze his way to victory.

I haven’t exactly been secretive about my love for Re:ZERO. The series just has so many things that resonate with me that it can be hard to keep track of what makes it my favorite work of fiction. But if I truly had to settle on one aspect, one specific part, of this series that makes it so special in my eyes… it’s that it *demands more*. It demands more from the isekai genre, to expand on its premise in ways that transcend mere escapism. It demands more from its audience, to be willing to put themselves in a position where they will be uncomfortable and actively engage with what they see. It demands more from Subaru, to be Rem’s hero even when he doesn’t feel like one and triumph over all the obstacles that he encounters. And it demands most of all from itself, to not just settle on having a simple narrative or characters that develop for the sake of it, to ensure that characters *earn* their developments, and to look back on those moments with the proper gravitas throughout the remainder of the plot. Because everyone has a story, and every story matters.

Everyone matters.

—

**Fan Art of the Episode:** [*From Zero*](https://files.catbox.moe/28xl0c.jpg) by @kusanosinta (September 5th, 2016)

**Source:** [Pixiv](https://www.pixiv.net/artworks/58825498)

Hey guys. Holofan4life here.

Welcome to the In Preparation of Season 3 Rewatch of Re:Zero!

Oh, and nay I forget…

**First Timer**

I decided to watch this show because I wanted to do something for the month of August. ’Course, this was before the yearly Spice and Wolf rewatch got pushed back to September, but I just found myself looking for something to occupy my time with. And with this show being in my top 5 must watch list, I figured now was as good a time as any.

I am going into this show relatively blind. I know some of the memes, who Rem, Ram, Emilia, and Subaru are, and that this show got its inspiration from Familiar of Zero, but that’s it. I find rewatches and my participation of them more fun when I have no idea what I am in store for. And with this series, I think we’re in for a blast. It’s also going to be the longest rewatch I participate in this year and second longest overall only behind the 20th Anniversary Fullmetal Alchemist rewatch. And given how joyous that show turned out, I don’t see why I should expect nothing less from this one.

With that out of the way, let’s begin.

I’m watching the sub, by the way.

As I am writing this, it is 9:15 in the morning on a Sunday. I’m waiting on the first episode of Shikanoko Nokonoko Koshitantan to drop so I can make some lame pun. I don’t know what better headspace to be in for one of the more infamous anime episodes of all time.

The episode is a minute longer than normal. Oh boy [](#spooked)

Puck killing the Witch’s Cult… uh, cult members.

Not Puck is caught by the Unseen Hands

Puck has evolved into Megapuck!

I guess this confirms that the creature we saw at the end of episode 15 was indeed Puck.

This evolved form of Puck just makes me want to bury my face in his fur.

Betelgeuse bleeding from the eyes now

“Death isn’t even a punishment. That is why I hate all of you.”

And so, Puck kills Betelgeuse

Puck telling Subaru he has committed three sins.

First, he broke his promise to Emilia

I guess that’s the date in the village

Tells Subaru he doesn’t seem to know how important a promise is to a spirit-arts user.

Second, Emilia told him to stay put but he refused to do so.

Third…

…He let Emilia die

I mean, if he stays put and Emilia dies, what is he supposed to do, eh?

“In accordance with my contract, I will now destroy the world.”

That’s one hell of a contract where if someone dies, the whole world dies with it.

Puck says that Emilia is his entire reason for existing.

So, the White Whale is Gluttony. I guess that checks out, a whale is kinda like a bottomless pit.

Meanwhile, Subaru’s hands, arms, and legs completely shatter like glass.

“You really are useless.”

Subaru laughing really creepy

“You truly are slothful, Subaru”

Subaru back at the shop with Rem

Subaru and Rem running now

All we can hear is Subaru’s heavy breathing.

Rem seems concerned about what’s happening to him.

Subaru and Rem on a roof somewhere

Subaru says he’s bothered a lot of people with his contemplating and agonizing.

He says he actually has had the answer for a long time.

“Run away with me.”

Well, I wasn’t expecting that

He says there’s nothing he can do in the capital. That he’d be just as powerless if he went back to the mansion.

Nothing solves your problems like running away from them.

This is a very sad scene for Subaru because it shows the self-loathing he is constantly experiencing. It is brutal how he feels he is so worthless. It also is interesting to compare this scene to episode 11 when Subaru was trying to Rem she isn’t worthless. It’s like the roles are reversed here, only in this case Rem is more unsure of what to do.

Subaru says she has to choose

“Me? Or someone else?”

He wants to leave Lugunica and head west

He says he’ll give her all he has if she chooses him.

“Subaru-kun… I love Emilia.”

Sorry, jumping the gun there

Rem tells him she can’t run away with him. Not because it wouldn’t work out– in fact, she’s given it much thought right down to having a kid with him– but because not everything would work out as she imagined it.

Rem really is talking a lot about child-rearing here.

I feel like this is the most we’ve ever heard Rem speak.

Rem says that if they run away together now, she would be leaving behind the Subaru she loves most.

Ah, yes. Nothing turns me on more than someone in constant distress.

Rem says she wants to know what happened.

But Subaru can’t because of the Unseen Hands.

Subaru says he’s already agonized over this, and that is why he feels it’s time to give up.

Now Subaru is chewing her out for saying it’s easy to give up.

“It was so much easier for me to think there was something I could do!”

It should be noted that the last 5 or so minutes has only taken place in this one setting, the rooftop. If this technically makes it a bottle episode, than this is the best anime bottle episode I’ve ever seen.

Rem clarifies her comments by saying while it is easy to give up, it doesn’t suit him.

She says that while she doesn’t understand all he’s been through, she knows he’s someone who cannot give up on something halfway through.

“You haven’t given up on anyone.”

And now we complete the episode 11 parallels.

Subaru, unfortunately, is still pretty down on himself.

“I hate myself!”

That’s okay, Subaru, a ton of the viewers hate you too.

This scene also reminds me of the cliff scene from episode 7 when Subaru kept going on and on about what a loser he is.

I honestly think that this VA performance by Subaru’s voice actor might be one of the greatest in all of anime. Every emotional scene Subaru is in, he knocks it out of the park.

Subaru says that this is the result of him not doing anything.

Says he was trying to justify himself in saying he was trying instead of not doing anything

“At heart, I’m just a small, cowardly, filthy piece of trash, who’s always worried about how others see me. And nothing… Nothing about me has changed!”

Hey, it’s me

Subaru says he’s the lowest of the low

Hey, better than being so fucked up

Rem says after that long diatribe that he still has the courage to reach out his hand. That despite what he thinks of himself, her life is better with him in it.

The piano music here is phenomenal, by the way. Really adds to the presentation of the scene.

Rem now pointing out everything she loves about Subaru.

This is still one setting, by the way, and it doesn’t feel monotonous at all.

“I love you.”

Rem says that when Subaru says he hates himself, it makes her want to tell him all the wonderful things she knows about him.

“All you know is yourself! How much do you know about the Subaru-kun that I see?!”

That reminds me of Emilia telling Subaru that the Emilia that he sees sounds like this amazing person.

Subaru asking why does she like him so much.

Subaru still insisting that he’s going to run away.

“You are my hero, Subaru-kun!”

Rem might be just as delusional as Subaru is. At least Subaru is aware his behavior is problematic.

**Ran out of space. Part two in the replies.**

**Rewatcher**

»From Zero« is the most important part of Re:Zero.
It’s our first look at Subaru fully unmasked. What he truly thinks of himself and his situation and where he’s coming from. It is dense and every line is imbued with meaning so forgive me if I’m overly verbose today or quote the dialogue frequently.

At this point in time Subaru has given up. For the very first time in the story, he sees no way out. He is backed into a corner from which there is no escape. He has tried everything and come out the other end worse for wear each and every time. And if you can’t confront your problems, you run away.
But Subaru can’t do it alone. More than even the pain that his curse brings it is the isolation that kills him inside. He needs someone who can wait for him at home after a long days work. And when he resets in front of the Appa stand, possibilities endless yet none proving to be viable, his mind firing signals to run, he grabs the person closest to him in both senses and sprints. Not explaining anything.
He does need to eventually explain himself and he does so in an elevated park.
This is the start of the episode long dialogue between Subaru and Rem.
Subaru has figured it out. He finally knows what to do. And that is to run, run away with Rem. He’s known this all along.
The answer has been there for a *long* time. Nobody needed him, he’s been told this countless times in these loops. Every interaction he’s had ending in tragedy or heartbreak.
And what was the cause?
Subaru has the answer.
It is him.
He is the problem, and he needs to get away from this place.
He’s made his choice, but he needs Rem. He can’t bear his own existence. He needs someone there. The only way he can keep going is if he knows she’s there.
Knowing full well Rem’s feelings for him he gives an ultimatum.
>> […]you have to choose. Me? Or someone else? Choose. […]
>> Please choose me! If you choose me I’ll give you all that I have! So please… Run away with me. Live with me!

[Arc 4] >!Not the only time Subaru pleads for someone to choose him!<

He’s using Rem’s feelings and he knows it. But he doesn’t know of any other way. He needs her and this is the only way he can get her to come with him.
But Rem says no. **”We’re supposed to laugh together, as we talk about the future, remember?”**
Rem has thought about it too. How they’d go with a carriage west and arrive at Kararagi. How Subaru would need to take care of things around Rem and get an education. How when they’d eventually settle down, they could have children. How they’d become known in the neighbourhood as a couple of old lovebirds. And how Rem would prefer to die before Subaru being unable to live in a world without him. She’s thought things through from beginning to end countless times. She wishes for this future more than anyone.
And yet when Subaru offers himself and gives her a chance to seize that dream, she refuses.
Why?
Because she knows that if they leave now **She is leaving behind the Subaru that she loves most**.
Rem knows who Subaru is. She has seen his best and she’s seen him at his lowest. She knows him and she knows this isn’t like him.
They need to head back and recalibrate. She doesn’t know what has made Subaru like this, but she knows it is necessary they keep moving forward.
But Subaru has been through this scenario countless times he’s seen that any action from this point leads to seeing his loved ones dead. He’s struggled, he’s suffered, and he’s given up. Closing his eyes in resignation and shame.

**Part 2 in replies**

The funniest part of the episode to me is the fact that Rem is seemingly able to move on from Subaru as a potential love interest when so many fans weren’t willing to do the same. It’s almost like they missed the point of the episode.

How does this show continue to get better and better? It’s unreal how great this show is.

**First Timer Dubbed**

Note ORV=Omnicient reader viewpoint it’s a way to describe the difference between thinking in Subaru’s knowledge and the Knowledge of the Viewer.

Note2 Intentionally trigger RBD means what you think it means it’s just reddit has crazy admins.

**Reaction to the Episode**

Oh boy we get to see Puck go Apeshit ! he kills everyone and then PKs subaru

Subaru giving up arc is not what I was expecting, Sure he failed in the “evacuate the village right now” plan but he has gained so much information. He knows the spawn point and spawn time of the white whale, he knows the witch’s cult date of arrival,
and he knows about Crusch’s army. He still needs to find out Crusch’s goal with her army, I really really dislike this decision from Subaru, you still have multiple outs left to consider,

Namely

1. Rushing to emilia and escaping even sooner without asking for help (you may be able to get past the great white whale this way) then you can plausibly not PK emilia by saying “the witch’s cult is here I saw them with my own eyes”

2. Getting Anatasia’s army to help you she’s a nice girl 😀

Man Subaru falling in love with Rem is so cute, his desperation is weird, and it really doesn’t make sense but it is cute in a way.

Rem going on about Subaru running away with her is so cute man this scene has been a big surprise to me.

Subaru going nuts via RBD must mean RBD takes a lot out of him every time it happens.

Rem is being best girl here, wow she is really completely different.

Subaru bursting out going crazy as Rem tried her hardest to calm him down. Man fuck Subaru

Subaru’s mental breakdown is great though at the same time. Rem just being so cute to him. (imagine if Rem didn’t have that dark cold side to her)

Rem is really really trying hard to get subaru back metnally.

Rem “I love you” Subaru goes “I hate myself”

Man Rem can be simultainously so cold to those who are not in her inner circle and so warm to her inner circle.

The greatest scene in all of Rom coms

Rem (in many words) “I love you”

Subaru “I love Emilia”

ok The preview has some weird stuff that probably confirms my spec from last ep… dang I was hoping to be wrong in at least a few big ways.

**Speculation**

Ok I’m more and more convinced that the Familiar of Zero Fanfiction energy never went away. This whole Rem Subaru conversation reminds me a lot of Siesta x Saito in the early parts of the Familiar of Zero.

Sadly there’s nothing really to speculate on this episode, none of the mystery boxes changed in any way. The only thing we get is that we basically confirmed that Puck intentionally PKed subaru all 3 times and Emilia died in all 3 loops

**What I would do if I were Subaru**

Realistically speaking the next step is doing what I reccommended last week but you had to have a mental breakdown wasting time…

The goal is to find out what Crusch’s army is up to, and if any major military power is going after the white whale try to get them to come with you to stop the white whale and convince them to also help you kill the cultists

I 100% agree with Subaru’s rejection here, what’s important to do is keep track of the “master run” and the “fogotten loops”

the first master run starts at 4 minutes in episode 2, until 2:37 in episode 4. (using BD cut here)

2nd master loop is episode 8 until roughly 7:45 of episode 13 (after he yells at the fruit seller but before entering the mansion)

If you watch the 2 master loops and don’t think about what happens inside of the loops you get the impression that Rem is the best girl by a mile. She’s so nice to Subaru and extremely loyal, while Emilia was extremely cold to Subaru in episode 13

However Subaru knows the many faces of Rem and Emilia, Emilia never ceases to amaze Subaru with how she’ll help those in need even when she definitely doesn’t have the time, in arc 1 she always helped the little girl, in every loop of arc 2 she helped Subaru get out of trouble if she could.
She tried to help *Felt* who just a few hours ago stole one of the most precious things she owned. Her moral circle is large, and I serve the Soviet Emilia.
Emilia was even willing to put up with Subaru’s repeated antics and while she rejected him as his knight there was *good* reason for that. Even Subaru realized this after a few loops. In spite of all of his failings Emilia would still Heal Subaru when he got into the mansion,
The fact that Subaru did things that angered her didn’t matter she still is at her heart the worlds nicest and purest girl. In a world filled with devious creatures she is nice and respectful. She’s the EILF of Subaru’s dreams and

Rem on the other hand has many positive and negative traits, but her undying loyalty for those she trusts is only outmatched by her extreme disrespect for those outside her innner circle. We see that Rem who has been with Roswaal for a long time and has to buy food in the village still doesnt’ even know any of the villagers purely doing buisiness with them.
The reasons Rem killed Subaru in loops 2 and 3 of arc 2 were… weak at best from Subaru’s perspective. Though from Rem’s perspective Subaru had the stench of the Witch’s cult and clearly seemed like one of their members (heck Betalguese thought he was a sin archbishop)
The thing is though Subaru sees this and goes “So just because I stank of the witches scent you tried to kill me, and then in loop 5 you suddenly changed drastically? what happened (ORV knows it was probably Emilia, but that just further reinforces the point).

So we have Rem, who is extremely warm to Subaru *now* but has shown herself to be extremely cold to outsiders, and we have emilia who is nice to everyone she meets, and even if she’s currently mad at Subaru *now* Subaru recognizes that he is in the wrong.
It’s pretty clear to me that Emilia is very easily the better choice if you can get her.

**What I would do if I was Rem**

Alright look the boy of your dreams rejected you for a girl who rejected him just wait it out until he shows up to Emilia and Emilia rejects him a second time.

If that fails maybe try to find some guy in the village. There’s gotta be somebody you can love aside from Subaru.

**Rewatcher for Season 1**

**On today’s episode of Re:Zero:** I think it’s a testament to how compelling movies and TV can be that you can have a whole episode centered around just characters in one location talking to each other and making it the most compelling thing you’ve ever seen. My favorite movie is *12 Angry Men* and it’s just 12 people mostly in one room having conversations. This episode reaches a lot of that same high. It has such compelling dialogue between compelling characters that the time just flies by before I notice it.

This episode really is a momentous occasion for Subaru’s character. I think it also explains so much about Subaru that we’ve seen thus far. After failing so many times, Subaru has decided to give up and run away. When he’s tried so many different options and been powerless to save the lives of the people he cares about each time, he decides there really isn’t anything he can do after all.

I think it’s very revealing that Subaru says that giving up was the hardest thing for him to do. I believe he’s telling the truth. We saw Subaru die again and again, hoping that he could find some solution to save the manor and village. He really did put effort into it, only to fail each time.

But there’s a deeper, more psychological, reason for why Subaru found it so hard to give up. It’s the same reason why Subaru was so stubborn for such a long time. Giving up would mean admitting that he really is powerless to do anything. It means that everyone he spoke to that called him powerless was right. It would mean he really was all bluster with nothing to back it up. But worst of all, it means that Subaru’s own worst fears about himself are true.

I love that we finally get some insight into Subaru’s life before he was isekai’d. We already knew that he was a shut-in, but we never got a sense of just how deep his own self-loathing was until now. It’s quite likely Subaru was stuck in a self-perpetuating depressive cycle. He was a shut-in and too depressed to really do much of anything with himself. Because he couldn’t get himself in the mindset to do anything, Subaru wasted away his days as a shut-in. The feeling that he was a useless and unneeded person wasting his life only made him hate himself more and reinforced his depression.

I believe that’s why Subaru was so afraid of being useless and unneeded. It’s why he tried to bluster his way through everything to prove that he was necessary. He had to prove that he had something worthwhile to offer. But he couldn’t, no matter how hard he tried. He gives in to his worst fears and admits that he is useless. Just like he feared, he’s a weak, useless, powerless, cowardly person.

But there’s someone who doesn’t believe that about Subaru. Rem is there to tell Subaru exactly what she thinks. She doesn’t consider Subaru useless at all. To Rem, Subaru is a hero. While all Subaru can focus on are his negative qualities, Rem is there to highlight his positive qualities. That’s something I really love about the structure of this episode. Subaru and Rem’s dialogue goes back and forth with point and counterpoint. Subaru explains his feelings of uselessness that led to him giving up. Rem will counter with how she feels about Subaru. Then, Subaru will counter Rem with another negative point about himself. It goes back and forth in this way and I love how it results in digging deeper and deeper about how both characters feel.

Rem loves Subaru. He is her hero. Rem fell in love with the way he threw himself into danger to save herself and Ram. Rem felt incredible joy when Subaru said they could struggle together and lean on each other to work towards the future. For Rem, that moment was when she felt she was alive again.

I think it’s worth pointing out that a key similarity between Subaru and Rem is that they both hate themselves. Rem hates herself for being happy Ram lost her horn. Rem wanted to stop existing, becoming only a replacement for her sister. She didn’t see anything worthwhile in herself. Subaru similarly hates himself because of his own powerlessness and the feeling that nobody needs him. Both Subaru and Rem felt like their existences were unnecessary.

I love the parallels in how Subaru and Rem save each other. When Rem confessed how much she hated herself and how useless she felt, Subaru was the one who pointed out all the positive qualities he saw in her that made her a worthwhile person, not just a replacement for her sister. When Subaru confessed how much he hated himself and how useless he felt, Rem told him all the things about him she loved and how his actions made him her personal hero. Both Subaru and Rem make the same offer to each other: if it’s ever too hard to carry on, the other person will be there to support them. Both Subaru and Rem feel like the other person gives them a new chance at life. They feel like they’ve been freed from the stagnation they were experiencing and can finally move forward again. I really love just how similar these scenes are to each other. It makes this episode feel like a massive payoff to Subaru and Rem’s earlier interactions. It makes Rem’s words feel so much more meaningful. I also adore the narrative parallel that Subaru and Rem get to save each other this way.

This episode also served to remind me why Subaru and Rem make such a compelling ship. The narrative parallels between them that I outlined earlier make them feel so compatible with each other. They saved each other and can continue to support each other. Rem’s confession of love is so beautiful, too. So it really does feel like a shame when Subaru rejects Rem’s confession.

I love the use of the lighting this episode. It’s simple, but man is it effective. As Subaru and Rem talk, the clouds roll in and cover them in shade, darkening the scene when Subaru finally confesses about how much he hates himself. As Rem starts to speak about how much she loves Subaru, bits of light begin to poke through the cloud cover. And finally, when Rem tells Subaru that they can start over from zero, the sun shines once more. It’s good stuff, reflecting the mood of the scene perfectly.